Chris's Incredibly Important Thoughts on P.S. I Love You

I see a lot of movies, and I mean a lot of movies, so it’s pretty safe to assume that when I say that P.S. I Love You is the absolute worst film ever made that the film is in fact the worst film ever made.  I honestly had little desire to see this film but my sister Beth for some reason bought into the romance portrayed in the trailer and wanted to see it, so on Christmas evening I had had enough of my family and said what the hell lets zip on down the road to the shit hole movie theatre at the shit hole better known as the Chautauqua mall.  Joining us for the evening was our good friend Michael who is also someone who is more then qualified to judge quality film. 

So lets start at the beginning.  The movie opens with a couple having an argument, no credits, no indication that this is the start of the movie, for about half a second I thought that maybe the stoner in charge of the camera accidentally started in the middle of the movie.  Also the scene occurs in the bedroom of a New York apartment, which during the course of the argument we learn is a “shit hole” apartment that is too small and cramped.  Now I’ve been to New York, I have slept in New York apartment and I can tell you that this apartment is a reasonable size apartment for New York, and as far as being a shit hole could that have anything to do with fact that the couple has garbage strewn all over their apartment.  I wanted to yell at the screen and say just clean up your damn apartment.  Also during the fight Hilary Swank who plays the main character is in a skirt and bra, is the supposed to be sexy?  Here is my problem with Hilary Swank, Hilary Swank is a modernly talented actress, I like Million Dollar Baby as much as the next person, I mean who doesn’t enjoy a feel good movie about euthanasia?  But, she is not sexy, she is not funny, she is not the kind of person that you fall in love with.  So why exactly did she think she could make a romantic comedy?  Does she think she is Reese Witherspoon? Hilary Swank should stick to doing what she does best playing tough, androgens pieces of white trash.  So the fight ends and the couple has sex.  Then the movie starts.  Credits roll and then suddenly Hilary Swank’s dirty Irish husband is dead.  He has a funeral in a bar and then leaves Hilary Swank a series of letters that are going to help her move on with her life. 

That’s all fine and dandy except the director seems to think that the audience is a bunch of idiots and thinks we need a bunch of retarded flashbacks to catch us up on the couple’s history.  These flashbacks are extremely dull because we don’t really care about the loser dead husband, and we barely care about Hilary Swank.  These flashbacks are also really long.  Just when you think the move can’t get any duller or longer they send Hilary Swank and her friends to Ireland.  At this point I am seriously falling asleep in my seat.  Hilary Swanks friends are played by Gina Gershan and Lisa Kudrow, and they despite their best efforts cannot save the film.  But I have to give them props for trying.  Gina Geshan is barely ever on screen even when her character is in the actual scene and Lisa Kudrow who is the only person in the movie that even made me want to laugh.  Anyway the movie goes on and on and I feel like cutting my wrists on the sharp corner of my armrest, and then just when you think that Hilary Swank has found love with Harry Connick Jr. they decide to be just friends and then the movie keeps going.  The movie is seriously like 2 hours long, it’s a romantic fucking comedy not Gone With The Wind.  So in conclusion the movie is too long, too dull, too poorly written, too stupidly directed and Hilary Swank is too butch to play a love interest. 

Grades:

 

P.S. I Love You – F

Hilary Swank – D-

Lisa Kudrow – B

Gina Gershan – Incomplete (not on screen enough to grade)